Lullatone is like Satan, but maybe worse

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If you know the layout of Brooklyn—or live in any major metropolitan area—I am guessing you understand the neighborhood like the one I live in. Park Slope (unlike the neighborhoods to the north where most of my friends live like Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and Bushwick) is geared much more towards the mid-30's, one or two kid, $70,000+ dollar a year household income demographic. And then there is me, the guy trying to dodge the mom's jogging with their two seat baby strollers that cost the same as two months of my rent, telling me to “get the fuck out of the way” (this actually happened).
It's not that I dislike my 'hood, which for the most is part pretty cozy. But the parenting culture that grips “The Slope” and has turned it into one of the most “dreamy” neighborhoods in America? That almost makes me never want to have kids.

Which brings me to Lullatone, a parenting duo that makes what I'm led to believe is meant to be like a children version of Sigur Ros (I dry-heaved as I typed that). I listened to this new sampler called We Will Rock You…to sleep as I tried to take a little cat nap, and I swear to Christ, I had a nightmare that aforementioned bitch mom with stroller was cloned into an army, chasing me down. I woke up in a cold sweat, and started banging the eject key on my laptop to stop this evil voodoo music from playing any longer.

In short, fuck Lullatone. My kids (that is if some brave woman will ever let me get her pregnant, or if we don't die when the Mayan calendar runs out in 2012), will be raised on a steady diet of The Mummies.

Lullatone, “A Mobile Over Your Bed”