Week 3 has come and gone, and some teams are going winless while surprising teams are racking up goose eggs in the loss column. Brandon Marshall made history in a way you never want to see (though familiar for Jets fans), Washington continues to prove itself bad at football and life, while Julio Jones is turning history on its ear. And wait it out long enough for a Charles Woodsen appearance!
The Best
The Spectacle
It’s not easy being A.J. Green, except it probably is, when you’re racking up 10 receptions for 227 yards and two touchdowns, including this one that made the Baltimore Ravens defense look like cheesecloth.
A.J. Green, you are ridiculous
3 Ravens try to tackle him, grab him. Doesn't matter.
80 yards to the HOUSE #CINvsBAL http://t.co/Plm0ccA1je
— NFL (@NFL) September 27, 2015
Although the Ravens did their darndest to hang in there, that secondary is abysmal and gave up 14 points in the 4th quarter to the Bengals, as they traded lead changes up until the end.
Detournement
Julio Jones grabbed 12 receptions for 164(!) yards and two touchdowns during a 22-point second half in the Atlanta Falcons victory over the Dallas Cowboys. Jones has now had at least 135 yards in each of the Falcons games this season, subsequently all of them wins for the team. Those three games, be-te-dubs, now gives Jones the NFL Record for most receptions through a teams first three games.
Mathematicians frantically developing new numbers to calculate how many yards Julio Jones is gonna end up with this year.
— The Falcoholic (@TheFalcoholic) September 27, 2015
Psychogeography
Last I checked, the Buffalo Bills didn’t leave the confines of cozy Orchard Park to play in Miami, but Tyrod Taylor and crew sure looked comfortable in Florida. Taylor went nuts going 21 for 29 for 277 yards and three touchdowns. Also no interceptions or sacks, and backfield partner Karlos Williams needed only 12 carries to gain 110 yards and a touchdown. Former Dolphin Charles Clay had a homecoming game with five receptions for 82 yards and a touchdown as the Bills hung a 40 on the mammals that everyone calls fish.
The Bad
The Spectacle
The Washington football team is a simulacrum of a football team. In this reality they are an example of a failed empire still pretending to be in power. They demoted their former Rookie of the Year quarterback to the practice squad while promoting Kirk Cousins to be the starter. So how’s that going?
Kirk Cousins: 23 career interceptions in 514 pass attempts.
JaMarcus Russell: 23 career interceptions in 680 pass attempts.
— Michael David Smith (@MichaelDavSmith) September 25, 2015
To top off the dysfunction (and don’t let the 32-21 score fool you, most of the Washington points were scored in garbage time, well after the Giants wrapped it up), a number of fans tweeted out pictures of a fan in full redface in attendance. Not enough vomiting to fully express this whole thing.
Detournement
San Francisco took a lot of hits this offseason, but they were at least hoping for some stability in their quarterback position. Unfortunately for them, their quarterback is Colin Kaepernick who looks like his best days are behind him, mere days after signing a bajillion-dollar contract. The Arizona Cardinals made him look like he had two left hands (wait is he left handed? Then the other one). Within six minutes, Kaep gave up two pick-sixes, almost in identical spots. And they looked effortless…
You don't throw it to where Honey Badger can find it.
Because when he finds it, he takes it to the house. #SFvsAZ http://t.co/VwDO0Jr3Rh
— NFL (@NFL) September 27, 2015
Psychogeography
Oh, Brandon.
Brandon Marshall was taught to share so he just threw this ball to be nice: pic.twitter.com/87e3TpXCda
— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 27, 2015
In a way, he is the consummate Jets player, trying to cover up for Mark Sanchez, but Brandon Marshall’s lateral attempt is so bad that even he called it “the worst play in NFL history,” which is a little harsh, but also….yeah.
The Weekly “Old Man Strength” Award
The Browns/Raiders clash was one of the Games To Watch last week and it earned it’s admission into that category. Even though Josh McCown started over Johnny Manziel (and did a solid job) the two teams are rising, and with Cleveland driving during the games final moments, it looked like McCown was going to lead his team to victory. But he didn’t take into consideration a fella named Charles Woodson.
Browns charging down the field on a game-winning drive?
No. Charles Woodson says NO. #OAKvsCLE http://t.co/EgAq5SPq2r
— NFL (@NFL) September 27, 2015
Charles Woodson is 38-years-old and was drafted in 1998. He’s still awesome.
What to Watch For In Week 4
Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers (Thursday Night). The Ravens have a secondary that anyone reading this could probably make it on the squad, but Pittsburgh just lost Ben Roethlisberger and have Michael Vick attempting the quarterback position. Did we mention how much these teams hate each other?
Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers.
Carolina Panters at Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
What Not To Watch in Week 4
Dallas Cowboys at New Orleans Saints (Sunday Night). Both teams are without their franchise quarterbacks, but that still won’t stop the Saints defense from making Brandon Weeden look good.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts.
New York Jets at Miami Dolphins.
