We're back for another roundup of the week that was in the League (not The League), and you might be saying to yourself; “Week 2 ended a while ago.” Well, some of us had to take an extended leave of mourning to reflect on the beating that we took. One that left some of us wondering if we have about as much of a future in this fantasy football league as Tim Tebow has in a real one. Enough bad analogies, let's commence with the beatings.
I'm still licking my wounds after the dismal performance my squad put up in Week 2. To use the tired sports cliche, my opponent didn't win, I beat myself. Bad masturbation jokes aside, it was actually the defenses of the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos that did me in, which is like adding insult to injury when you consider I actually have the Denver defense. But this week was just the perfect storm of misery: my defense went against my quarterback, my No. 1 receiver and running back (Roddy White and Arian Foster) are nursing nagging injuries, and my San Francisco studs from week one (Anquan Boldin, Frank Gore) got beaten by birds that you can kill with Alka-Seltzer tablets. The result: a nearly 60 point decline from the previous week, and a fall back to the depths of mediocrity.
As if my week couldn't get any worse, the only Impose teammate to be 2-0 at this juncture happens to be the only one I share a dwelling with. Sang Nguyen defied all odds when she dropped one of her top tier receivers, James Jones, to pick up little-known tight end Tyler Eifert (against all of my advice), but the move paid off… sort of… she didn't play Eifert, but she did play Aaron Rodgers who, as a former Super Bowl MVP, had a “career” game. And no matter how many times I had to remind her the team she played had the worst week of any in the league, she just wouldn't accept any excuse for her dominance. Even though a part of me is proud she handed down the biggest beating of week 2, I don't know if I can take another week of her gloating.
In the one head-to-head match-up of Impose brethren, the ever-excitable Dayna Evans (she really goes on and on about how much she loves fantasy football, it's all she talks about) took on the Dallas Cowboys of our division; Pete Cavanaugh's Flop and Frisk. I should've warned Pete the second most dangerous move in fantasy football besides drafting from your favorite real-life team is naming your team with bad puns. Still, this looked to be one of his few good match-ups, as his 75% Dallas team was going up against last year's cellar dweller Kansas City Chiefs. But like his beloved Cowboys, he fell victim to the trap game, earning Dayna her first win of the season (as if she needed more reason to talk about fantasy football) and relegating Pete to the only Impose player without a win. The spirit of Tony Romo compells him!
And finally, we have head editorial honcho Blake Gillespie somehow squeaking out a win despite only scoring a measly 76 points. “That's because it was against the last place team” you might be saying to yourself, but considering Blake's two-week point total is nearly 30 points lower than anyone else, including 23 points lower than the team he beat (incidentally former Impose writer and Oops Baby founder Jared Davis… Oops indeed), it looks as though Blake is in for a long season of ribbing in the Impose office. But for one week he was victorious, which is more than can be said for his QB Cam Newton. At least he has Pete to look down upon.