Although the corpse of winter is still kicking, it’s finally time for the American Pastime to rear its head for the next, I dunno, nine months? There was a lot of movement for teams this offseason and expectations are always high at the first cry of “play ball!,” and we distilled them down to the very essence using the art of haiku. Forget the five-four-three double play, we’ve got the five-seven-five for you.
First up, we take a look at the American League, where last year the scrappy Royals made their first post season appearance in 20 years, making it all the way to the World Series before losing to the San Francisco Giants. Will this year prove to be as eventful? The haiku knows.
AL East
Baltimore Orioles
AL East champs last
Lost the bats in Cruz and Nick
Adam still eating
Toronto Blue Jays
Knuckleball starts weird
Joey bats will eat your young
Expos haunting you
Boston Red Sox
Moncada yeah yeah!
Sandoval sandwiches yeah!
Pitcher named Clay obvi
Tampa Bay Rays
Pretty good pitching
But they should still use Devil
Baseball lacks evil
New York Yankees
A Rod forgiveness
Jeter replaced with Didi
Will still hate become
AL Central
Detroit Tigers
They got Yoenis and
His five-hundred K sports car
Guy get Kate Upton
Kansas City Royals
Yost and his small ball
Moustakas not a Greek meal
Catcher is like Lurch
Chicago White Sox
One Samardzija
That’s the name of pitching star
Name should be Scrabble
Robin Ventura’s lineup card pic.twitter.com/WT5pR3shvw
— Rob Rogacki (@BYBRob) April 5, 2015
Minnesota Twins
Torrii Hunter jerk
But the Twins are pretty bad
So hooray more L’s!
Cleveland Indians
Change the Mascot guys
You’re making Snyder look good
But cheer for Kubler!
AL West
Seattle Mariners
Lotta money Cano Cruz
Wait, they have a pitcher name
Taijuan Walker really?
Los Angeles Angels
Mike Trout da gawd
Mike Trout da gawd Mike Trout
Da gawd Mike Trout
Oakland Athletics
Went all in last year
Now nobody is here, oh
Moneyball never sleeps
Texas Rangers
Last year no one hit
Everyone was injured too
Bring back owner George
Houston Astros
Things to do in town
Instead of watching the ‘Stros:
Almost anything
