Your mother might not be sure who Katy Perry is, but we both know she’s not just the person responsible for making us sit through Lenny Kravitz on Super Bowl Sunday. She’s a super star with a playlist as long as Russell Brand’s FOX-hating hair and this weekend she’ll take center stage somewhere between “deflategate” and Skittles. The Super Bowl halftime show has been known to give us some memorable and surprise performances; from “wardrobe malfunctions,” to Prince’s Foo Fighters cover, to whatever the combination of Bruno Mars and Red Hot Chili Peppers had wrought. And though her credentials may speak for themselves, Katy’s going to need to bring more than Leonard Albert Kravitz to the party if she expects us to notice. Which is why we’ve offered up the following list of songs to add to her halftime medly. You can thank us later.
The Super Bowl Shuffle
The old classic, a good nod to a the ’80s in a move that will prove to be both ironic and iconic at the same time. Mostly because of headbands.
The Seahawks Locker Room Rock
A deep cut into the terrible trend that started after the Super Bowl Shuffle, where every team decided they should also try to make a song about the team. Lucky for us, the defending champs made one!
New England, the Patriots and We
If you do one of the teams, you’ll have to flash back to the other’s rare gem. What could Katy follow this up with though? A prog album? A track of based freestyle? We applaud her choice to alienate fans by going HAM into the NFL bad music vaults, but maybe something to bring back the kids?
All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight
If there’s one thing we’ve learned, people love their pop-country.
Must be the Money
What better way to close out the show than to bring it full meta. Aside from running a failed charter school, Deion Sanders—the incredible two-sport athlete of the 90s who is now retired to the broadcasting booth—once recorded a track called “Must Be the Money”. Leave us with the lasting impression of Prime Time trying to explain this one away while his lawyers are reminded to open up that copyright complaint against Nelly.
