Urination guide to Wrigley Field

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Baseball is back! In recent years, the best should-be-holiday of the year, Opening Day, has been preempted by Opening Night, the season kickoff game held the Sunday before all of the teams hit the diamond. The premiere slot this year was handed to the Chicago Cubs who, with one of baseball’s best farm systems, were ready to show off their new scoreboard and other work-in-progress improvements they’re making to Wrigley Field. And the game would be against their bitter rivals from St. Louis, the Cardinals. What better way to kick things off? There was only one hitch: an especially cruel winter prevented many of the upgrades reaching user-friendly status, which included a lack of working bathrooms for the stadium.

We could just sit back and laugh, but what help would that be? That’s why we created this handy guide in case you’re planning a trip to Wrigleyville and still need a place to go. Here are a few suggestions.

On/behind the new scoreboard


One of the most unique things about Wrigley is that the buildings around the stadium are so close, you can actually watch the game from neighboring rooftops. Until this year that is. The Cubs owners, the notoriously evil Ricketts family, have decided enough free looks are enough and have begun erecting signs to block the views from the rooftops.

So what better way to voice your unhappiness than to relieve yourself on the signs? Civil disobedience in action!

Winter Classic: Detroit Red Wings v Chicago Blackhawks

Cup urinals


Some inventive Cubs fans created make shift urinals when they decided a 30-minute wait was too long for the health of their bladder. Need creates necessity!

West Addison Street


Let the river flow downstream as the citizens of Wrigleyville take cover from the Biblical flood of pee that covers the Earth. Sure, it’s a little mean to the citizens of W Addison Road, but seriously, have you seen those dudes?

Just pee yourself

C’mon, like anybody would notice.