DJ Kicks – Wolf + Lamb vs. Soul Clap

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Cocaine, if you do it, makes your penis soft and you need a lot of foreplay time to work up to a hard one. For those tedious sessions when your secretary can’t apply the right amount of pressure under the desk, or you find yourself surrounded by Europeans in white linen at a low-lit club and you decide, “Hey, why not? No one will hear about it,” there are 27-track electronic albums with excessive names like Wolf + Lamb vs. Soul Clap: DJ Kicks guaranteed to prolong the agony of limp hand jobs.

Like incomplete thoughts, the songs roll along, not really going anywhere, blending into other songs that may or may not have hand claps keeping the beat and may or may not have saxophone. Not introspective, not difficult, not referential or anything else really, this is excellent high-powered background music for offices or people who don’t want to listen to music but also can’t bear quiet spaces. The musicians say their “vibe is very chilled out and deep.” If you too are chilled out and deep and don’t have time to think about what to listen to, this album is for you.

Wolf + Lamb vs Soul Clap: DJ Kicks is guaranteed to make any Russian stripper give you head if you pay her $50, but when she can’t finish you off even after the album starts again, I suggest you go ahead and play Rebecca Black’s “Friday”, roll your eyes into the back of your head, and think about something dark.