Breaking News: Austrian Earns Beer 4 Life

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Whether you are cool and watch soccer or you are a stupid American who does not, this should be news you can appreciate.

Ivica Vastic of Austria just earned a lifetime supply of beer courtesy of the Austrian government for scoring the tieing goal today in the match against Poland. Austria keeps it real, knowing its players are not on par with powerhouse countries such as Germany, France and Portugal, they offered this deal of a lifetime for any player who kept the Austrians in the tournament. Desperation is a thick and pungent musk, but apparently it rewards in golden steins.

Vastic is a hero today for Austrians and alcoholics everywhere. Keep on living the dream until your liver gives out, champ.