I might be all full of egg-shaped malt balls right now, but that won't stop me from incepting this first installment of What The Monday, wherein we take a look at the oddest things that have been sent to us over the past week, point, then laugh.
Granted, it takes a lot of courage to stand in front of your publicist and pretend to be cool for 1/60th of a second, nearly as much courage as it takes to put one's heart and soul onto an expensively-produced album that gets leaked onto the internet two months before the release. As media consumers, we all have to admire the courage and tenacity of today's artists.
Also as media consumers, we have to make make fun of them mercilessly when they look dumb. Because face it, that shit's funny.
Boo And Boo Too
“Couch on Fire”
What the? The full impact of this photograph just isn't possible to comprehend from a small picture. I suggest you download the full version and set it as your desktop background. Close all your open windows, turn off the lights, and just gaze. If you feel the need to sway or move your body, please do. If you feel the need to take your clothes off, we understand. Take your clothes off. Bask in the presence of the picture. Let it flow over you like a warm river of peace, understanding, hair gel, pleather and hobo urine.
The first thing I imagine that the guys in Boo And Boo Too did was go up to their stylists and say I want to look like a young:
Then their publicist says:
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“Good, good. Excellent. Now we need you each to have a distinctive piece of clothing. That way when the action figures come out all the tweenage girls will know which one's which.” |
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I want a cardigan! |
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Can't they tell pretty easily which one is me? |
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I don't understand what you mean by that, The Dark One. |
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*yawn* Yeah, we all look kinda alike. |
| WE LOOK NOTHINK ALIKE. I WILL BREAK YOU. |
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*kills self* |
Indian Jewelry
“Temporary Famine Ship”
What the? We like Indian Jewelry, the music's just weird enough to be right up our alley. And there is a tendency for any tight-knit group to start thinking of themselves as a crew, a bande à part, a three 6 mafia. And yet, I'd be slightly more afraid of a gang of girl scouts than Herr Handlebarr And The Nihilists here. And not just because of all the partially hydrogenated palm oil in them cookies. Though Svetlana back there looks like she could use some.
Some criminal gangs spell out fear in the hearts of the law-abiding by the mere mention of their name. These guys spell something more like “Look ma, we're going to rob Denny's of all their farm fresh eggs and crisp bacon.” Though I am slightly afraid of the girl in the middle, she might be a sleeper cell of the Tablecloth Jihad. A sleeper cell of one.
In terms of disguises, the Aviators-and-pieces-of-paper method ranks slightly under Point Break president masks, and slightly above “Why is there tape on your nose?”
Bonde Do Role
Granted this is from a few weeks back, but there was no way I could pass up on commenting on this totem pole of ghey. I'd just like to issue a plenary warning to any and all that might be watching:
Yes yes, cultural identity and all, but there is absolutely no reason that Pasty and Porky Brazil should be eye-raping my screen like this. Especially with two females brought in as if to say “We understand this, and allow it to be happening.”
